Breakfast.

I, like most other people my age, grew up with the constant "breakfast is the most important meal of the day"... and like most people, I more or less ignored that advice. 

Can you blame me for valuing what precious little sleep I get over spending time cooking in the mornings? Most days as a teenager I'd be content to just grab a piece of fruit on my way out the door... or absurd amounts of coffee once I got to HUB at the U of A, occasionally with a scone for a bit of substance (so THAT's how I dropped fifteen pounds when I was at the U. I miss that body.) And to be totally honest, I'm still not 100% sold on breakfast, and will in all likelihood probably be living off of caffeine when I'm back in school at the end of August. 

But over the past few weeks, I've been making more of a conscious effort to force myself to eat in the mornings, whether I want to or not. Some days it's a losing battle, but some days (like today) I completely rock it. 

Any of my Card cousins who read this will laugh and nod knowingly, but... Well, Grandma and Aunt Marge and the aunties all had it right with the "make sure you have some protein!!"... I've found that the mornings where I have eggs for breakfast tend to be the days where I'm less in need of snacking during the day. Let's take today's breakfast for example! 

My grandma is actually the one who
introduced me to Peabutter, but I was
pleasantly surprised to find that Rory
eats it as well!

I've come to start with a basic framework (eggs and toast) and occasionally spice it up a little bit. 

Today, I put some NoNuts Golden Peabutter on my toast.Yep, I'm one of those poor unfortunate souls with a nut allergy. It hasn't really ever affected me much (aside from last December, when I had an allergic reaction and landed myself in the hospital in anaphylactic shock and the mother of all asthma attacks... That was minorly terrifying...), although it definitely has limited some of my food choices, especially since all the nuts that are really good for you are the ones that would kill me in a matter of minutes.

A lot of the nut-free peanut butter substitutes out there are heavily soy based, which is something that I do my best to avoid because I consider soy to be something best avoided.

Sunday Night Photo Dump

(aka further proof of my attachment to my cell phone, and my Instagram fixation...) 

This was fairly straightforward to make, I copied my Instagram photos (using Statigram), shrunk them down to 33% their actual size in MS Paint -- I'm at the office and don't have any fancy photo editing software here, haha -- and then pasted them into a grid. If you want to follow my Instagram feed, my username is @andraealynne. How imaginative, right?

The idea for this photo dump was inspired by Kelle Hampton at Enjoying the Small Things, who does her own photo dump every Friday night. Admittedly, her feed is a lot more interesting than mine, because her life is full of a lot more fun than mine seems to be these days. 

So yes. Some of my Instagram feed from this past week! For the most part, this is in chronological order as well. I had to shrink the image down so it wouldn't stretch the page weirdly, so click on it if you want to see it in larger form.

a wee bit of nostalgia

My little sister (Elizabeth) had her high school grad and commencement this past week. I am ridiculously proud of her and at the same time feeling a wee bit... old. And nostalgic. Of course, I still remember her as the annoying little tag-along sister that she was when I was in junior high. 

Elizabeth is three and a half years younger than me-- she just turned 18 in January-- and in the past few years we've become quite a bit closer than we have been in the past, which has been a very awesome thing for me. It's nice to be able to call her my friend as well as my sister =) 

On Thursday, we made our way to the Jubilee Auditorium for a few family photos prior to her commencement ceremony-- there weren't enough tickets available for us all to watch the ceremony (which quite frankly was a bit of a relief, my own commencement in 2008 was more than four hours long and I did not want to sit through that again), but I had suggested that we all (myself+Rory, my parents, sister and grandparents) take a few photos beforehand. My grandmother and mother liked the idea, so it would seem that my own intuitive ideas are a good thing from time to time. Heh.

So we took a few photos. I think they turned out decently well! Click on the individual pictures to open up a larger copy.

Zzzzz...

I am exhausted. I was up far too late last night and will be again tonight.
But it'll be worth it, my little sister's grad banquet is tonight! (plus her commencement was last night, so I popped over to the Northern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium for some family photos beforehand-- but didn't have to sit through the four-hour commencement ceremonies, huzzahhhhhh)

Pics of the fun to follow over the weekend. I don't really feel like writing much today.

I'm getting better at this!

Despite the fact that my mom (inadvertently) sabotaged me yesterday by sending me a generous serving of homemade bread pudding which was so good that I honestly could. not. resist. (My willpower is nonexistent with most of my mom's food, she's a far better cook than I ever will be...), I think I did alright.

I mean, by all accounts my breakfast was probably way too small (210 calories-ish?), but if I eat too much first thing in the morning it makes me quite sick.

That being said, my lunch was pretty balanced (quinoa + kale salad, yummm) and I had the last of the borscht we had in the fridge for dinner-- we'd picked it up at the farmers' market on Saturday, I think I'm going to have to either buy a bunch more and/or learn how to make it myself because it's quite good.

My problem yesterday was my snacking. Bread pudding in the midafternoon, and then two servings of rainbow sherbet in the evening... I can tell that my body already isn't doing well with that much sugar, I was so sluggish and slow last night and had some pretty bizarre dreams.

But on the other hand, I know that being too strict with what I'm eating will just lead to me binging on all the worst foods possible. I'm still trying to find that healthy balance.

We went to the grocery store last night after doing some errands, and (this is me being super proud of myself) we bought mostly produce! Rory picked up some peanut butter (which I don't eat and never have, hooray for allergies) and some cinnamon spread (which I also won't eat, I'm just not a fan) and then some milk.

Sassy Water. Image from here.

Even better, we bought the first nectarines of the year! I'm so stoked. It's definitely early in the season for nectarines, though, because they are teenytiny and $6.50/lb. Yikes. Later in the summer they'll be around $2-3/lb and absolutely MASSIVE. Nonetheless, nectarines make me happy and have improved my mood considerably. Heck, it's still raining out today and I'm in a good mood because I'm sitting at my desk at the clinic munching on an apple and have even more fruit waiting for me at home.  And veggies. Mmmm.

So even though I overslept by more than half an hour this morning (and consequently I didn't really brush my hair orrrr put on any makeup and as such look like a total slob), I'm doing okay. I even took the time to make a modified version of my friend Sabrina's "sassy water" before I left, by adding lemon juice and cucumber to my water bottle... I think I may have overdone it on the lemon juice, though, and I didn't have any ginger to grate and add, and totally forgot about the mint.. (sips water)... yup, definitely overdid it on the lemon juice.

All things considered, though, today is looking pretty good so far. And yes, I do realize that I probably sound overwhelmingly perky. =D

self-evaluation.

This weekend, food-and-exercise-wise, was... well, "not great" is an understatement but "horrible" is blowing it out of proportion. Somewhere in between. I have a lot harder time staying focused on weekends, it would seem... and I'm really prone to boredom eating.

I think my main problem right now is sodium. I crave it constantly... which is an uncomfortable feeling to say the least, especially since most of my go-to sodium snacks (Premium Plus saltine crackers, anyone?) are simple-carb heavy and just altogether nutritionally... yeah. Not good at all, especially since I can polish off an entire sleeve of saltines in one day, easily.

Fighting the sodium addiction is not as easy as
I'd like it to be.
(image from here.)

Remedying that, however, isn't as easy as I wish it were. I'm trying to fill that "omg need salt nowww" void with fresh veggies and fruit-- it's almost nectarine season! yay!-- but it isn't working quite the way I was hoping it would. I need more substance, as it were.

I took the time yesterday to cook up a big batch of quinoa, hopefully enough to last me the week, plus some kale stir-fry (kale, red and yellow peppers, a white onion, garlic and a half cup of hemp seeds). Nutritionally speaking, it's great, and actually really filling. It tastes quite good, too, despite what my dad thinks.

All things considered, I should be set for the week lunch-wise. Rory's still at home so I've asked him to go to the grocery store today and pick up some produce for me-- fruit, veggies, spaghetti squash-- so that I can do some cooking + prep work while I still have the motivation to (ha). If the food is in my fridge, I'll eat it.

I noticed yesterday that I haven't been feeling quite as bloated and gross as I had been during the week, too. Hopefully that's a sign that either a) I have good targets as far as calorie + nutrient intake go, and/or b) I've lost a bit of weight already. Here's to it being both of the above.

I'm so glad that it's nearly summer. It's drizzly and grey today, but it was so nice over the weekend and I'm in a far better mood than I usually am on Monday/Tuesday mornings.

Important things that everyone should remember.

found here

1. The universe really sucks sometimes. 
2. Some people are selfish jerks who care for nobody but themselves. These people aren't worth your time, your effort, or your tears.
3. With that in mind... there will ALWAYS be someone out there who loves you, who cares about your well-being and has your best interests in mind. 
4. If you're one of my friends and are struggling with yourself, your self-doubt... I am always, always here to lend an ear (or to sit in silence and just... be.) 
5. Sometimes you'll want to let it all out but will feel ridiculous about it. It's OKAY. Seriously. It's far better to express what you're feeling than internalize it until you're eating yourself alive from the inside out. 
6. It's also okay to cry. Even if you're a messy, ugly crier like me. (Seriously, I get the whole red face, snot everywhere, hyperventilating... not pretty at all.)... but crying can be very therapeutic.
7. There will always be beauty in the world. Sometimes it's hard to find, but it's there. The journey to find it is an important one (for me) and often leads to some revelations that can influence my life in some strange (but awesome) ways. 
8. You are never alone. It might not feel like it, but there will always be someone out there who has felt the same way you have, who fought those demons and defeated them. It's doable, I promise. 
9. It's okay to admit that you're struggling, that you need help. It doesn't make you weak... it means that you're stronger than you realize, for seeing your needs and acting on them. 
10. Don't give up. Don't let your demons win.

May Long.

I just knew that, in one way or another, the long weekend would help to make up for the ridiculousness and altogether total frustration that was last week.

Well, most parts of the weekend, anyways. There have been a couple sad/worrysome things happen (mostly yesterday)-- one of my friends is missing (deliberately on her part) and I'm incredibly worried about her, but am very limited in what I can do because I don't know her address. She has a history of depression and I think she may have taken matters into her own hands. Friends, please send some good thoughts into the universe for her. Sigh.  

next-day edity update: I got word last night that my friend who was AWOL is now safe and is being taken care of. I'm still a wee bit worried about her but I'm glad that she's getting the help that she needs. Continued prayers/good thoughts into the universe are always welcome, though!

Up until yesterday, my weekend had been pretty quiet. We went out for dinner with Rory's parents on Friday night (Sawmill, so good.) but other than that we've mostly been lounging around at home. Saturday morning we went to the City Centre Market since they're back in the outdoor market setting now. So nice to be back at the market on Saturdays (yep, I willingly get up at 8:30 or 9:00 AM on Saturdays to walk out there!), but since it's just mid-May, there isn't much in terms of produce yet... mostly apples and pears. Which is alright, but I'm still looking forward to the peak of BC fruit season... cherries and nectarines and peaches are the best part of summer for me, fruit-wise. Rainier cherries are my favourite-- not just for the flavour (so sweet but just tart enough that it's not overwhelming), but also because they don't stain your hands the way other varieties do.

(from The Produce Blog. This picture has me drooling.)

Since we didn't really have much cash on us, we didn't buy much... some cake bites, a container of my favourite Tzatziki, and a liter of borscht for Rory-- he just had a bowl of it and shared some with me, it's delicious but quite Americanized! I think that the next time I plan to go out there, I'll do a preorder for some bison smokies from Kathryn's parents-- I was hoping to buy some Saturday, but Dan hadn't brought any out with him.

Preorder means that I'll be able to get a good dozen or so for Rory, anyways. =)

It's been one of "those" weeks...

Everything that could possibly have happened to cause little hiccups and bumps in my week without causing total catastrophe has. Most of it happened yesterday, actually, but I've been grumpy and tired all week, so I'm overall worn out and just done with everything. Thank the gods that it's Friday... I finish work at 1:00 today (instead of my usual 4:00, which in and of itself isn't half bad-- I actually love my job and have a pretty good setup-- but this week it's just been way. too. much.)

It all culminated yesterday morning. I had just gotten to work-- I'd honestly been at work for maybe fifteen minutes-- and was doing some cleaning (including emptying my shredder and packing it into a bag + compressing as much as I possibly could) when I smacked my forehead off of the empty chuck end of a RedWing dental lathe.

I've had my fair share of incidents with dental lathes,
but yesterday took the cake. At least nothing got ground
off my hand this time!

What is a RedWing dental lathe? This contraption is a RedWing Dental Lathe:

I use it at work for a vast number of things -- trimming, grinding things out, polishing, etc etc etc. It's like a jewellery lathe but bigger and more powerful. And heavy as heck.

And let me tell you, smacking my forehead off of it HURT. It prompted a headache that lasted all day, and when I got home I showed Rory and he noted that not only was my head bruised where I had smacked it, but there was a bump too.

Now, I'm a somewhat clumsy person but that just started my day off on the worst possible note. Sufficiently grumpy (and embarrassed at my ridiculousness), I then dealt with a headache for the next seven hours. Midway through my day I gave up and took a couple extra-strength Tylenol and an NSAID for the inflammation. Didn't help much, but it dulled the headache enough that I could attempt to get more paperwork done.

The whole "confidence" thing. (a story)

I have struggled with my self-confidence and sense of self-worth my entire life.

As an elementary- and junior high-aged child and preteen, I could count on half of one hand the number of actual friends that I had, but had to use both hands and feet and borrow a few more to name all the kids that I knew who made me feel miserable. Not a pleasant period of my life by any stretch of the imagination.

At the time, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, what I did to warrant being treated the way I was... looking back, it's a lot easier for me to see what elements of my personality and my home life put me in such stark contrast to my peers and influenced it. I was little, smart, very precocious and didn't really have much in the way of social perception. It's taken me a long time to realize that the way I was (it wasn't a matter of "acting" for me, I couldn't for the life of me do anything that wasn't true to myself) made a lot of people-- both children and adults alike-- very uncomfortable.

Me, circa 9th grade. This picture would have been
right around my 15th birthday.

As a result of my personality and my home life-- a mixed race child in a low-income family living at the edge of a very affluent neighborhood, most of my peers being caucasian children from very wealthy families-- I was socially ostracized, and treated quite cruelly by many classmates for years and years. And since I went to the same small school for elementary and junior high, I was with many of these selfsame classmates for a full ten years.

Adventures in DIY: tri-canvas abstract swirls

I'd like to pretend that I'm this awesome little housegirlfriend... you know the type, the woman who is domestic, crafty, etc.

Unfortunately, I'm... well, not. At all. I hate cleaning (HATE IT) and avoid it until I'm embarrassed to enter my own apartment. We've got this awkward mix of hand-me-down mismatched furniture that I really don't mind... until we have friends over and realize that two small loveseats are really not enough seating room.

Never mind the fact that we've been in our apartment for more than a year and still have boxes in our "office" and kitchen waiting to be unpacked. It's awful. Buuuut such is life, and I know I'll get to things eventually.

Every once in a while, however, I get "inspired" and go on a bit of a "I want this place to look designer perfect!" spree. Which never really works out the way I want it to (largely due to budget constraints... and lack of effort...) but I do occasionally have some things work quite nicely.

I realized the other day that there are more video game posters on our walls than anything remotely "decorative" (okay, video game posters are totally decorative in the gamer sense, but... well, this isn't Rory's bachelor apartment!) and decided that I wanted to try to be craftsy and creative. Pinterest will be the death of me, I swear.

So I spruced those walls up. No, I didn't paint directly on my walls (although I wish I could). Instead, I went into my closet (that I semi-affectionately call a "black hole", somehow things vanish into it that I hardly remember owning and re-emerge months later only for me to go "Wait. What? I just... WHAT?"), dug out a bunch of canvases that I'd bought at DeSerres some time last fall, and took to them with my cheap acrylic paints.

I want to meet J.K. Rowling some day and give her a massive hug.

from my Pinterest board "book love"

I'm still completely astounded by the number of people that I know who would rather sit on a couch, controller in hand and oblivious to the world around them whilst staring at a screen than pull an oft-loved volume from a shelf, curl up (with a purring cat snuggled beside them, little mooch-cat) and fall headlong into another world altogether.

Even more astounding is that the people who would choose option #1 over a good book are in my own age group, many of whom are my friends.

I don't get it. At all. 

Yes, my hand-eye coordination needs work. I completely lack patience and the last time I played a video game on a regular basis was when I was about 10, and played Spyro for an hour every... three days? Maybe?

Then again, I've also missed out on the social interaction that a lot of kids get from an early age with their friends. Not because I was particularly antisocial, but because... well, I didn't have many (read: any) friends as a child.

Which would explain perfectly why I was (and still am) such a huge book-lover. When J. K. Rowling published Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 1997, there was no way she could have known at the time just how much of an impact her imagination would have on the world around her.

She turned an entire generation of youth back into a world set between the covers of a book. And inspired millions of people... and many other aspiring authors to share their own worlds with the rest of us!

Admittedly, some of those other authors need a bit of help (and maybe a reality check or two, especially when it comes to what they're teaching prepubescent girls about what constitutes a healthy, loving relationship and what should really constitute a total restraining order...), but overall? I think that the world has reaped many, many benefits from this.

Of course there are people who could beg to differ... and then there are those who just like to complain that "you have too many books, Andraea, you really don't need to buy more!" (uhm, yes I do. I read many of these at least once per year and have read Ender's Game so many times that I've already worn clear through one copy and have almost destroyed a second -- if you ever buy me any books PLEASE buy a paperback!), but those people tend to be the ones who lean towards escapism in digital virtual reality form.

Not to bash gamers at all, mind you... my boyfriend is a gamer and most of my friends are! But I still prefer the escapism in a book, endless variations and all.

For the record, I fully intend to write a massive post (or maybe even series of posts!) on my love for Harry Potter, maybe even diving into other series that I love as well. But not today.

... This could take a while.

So. Are you a reader? Have any books "changed your life", as it were? Tell me in the comments below!

edit: After posting, a friend posted a link to this article on the VicPD's "The Beat" blog wherein police responded to what they thought was a domestic disturbance gone horribly awry and violent... only to discover that the man screaming obscenities was, in fact, sitting in front of a video game with a headset on, oblivious to his volume levels and the worried neighbors who had called the cops. Ha!

one weekend down...

... and the rest of a "lifetime of better habits and choices" to go! Ha.

I'm already feeling overwhelmed (and number-crazy. Yikes.) but I think I have a good start... somewhat. I haven't taken the time to cook up a massive batch of my favourite quinoa-peppers-and-kale concoction yet but that will likely happen either tonight or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow, since I'm fairly certain it will be my first evening alone in months-- Rory should be heading back to work tomorrow.

He's been home for two months straight (spring break-up). As much as I adore the man, I can't wait to get back to my normal routine... I make far better choices as far as food and exercise go when he's not home. I'm a lot less likely to indulge in my lazy tendencies when he's not waiting for me to cuddle up with him and watch Futurama or some-such.

So on Friday evening I went to the ballet with my grandmother at the Northern Alberta Jubilee Auditorium-- a production of Love Lies Bleeding, which is a collaborative production between Alberta Ballet and... Elton John! Not the first time I've seen it, but it was every bit as good as I remembered (the first time having been May 2010, when the production had its' debut). It's been reworked since I first saw it (according to the Globe and Mail review of the Toronto run in November 2011), with some time and choreography changes... but the message is still powerful (with strong emphasis on John's own experiences, homoerotic imagery, drug use/abuse, bullying, but overall... empowerment!) and from what I saw the audience left the Jube feeling triumphant.

The Edmonton Journal's preview/review of the production, found here, also includes a video.

And in the interest of attempting to be more physically active, I decided to walk from my apartment to the Jubilee Auditorium (don't you love how sidetracked I got there? I'm *fantastic* at that...). It was about a 3.5 kilometer walk, and I did it in just over 45 minutes-- including a stop at Remedy Cafe for a chai tea milkshake (oops). It felt good! My calves aren't super happy with me for it, but overall... a decent start.

Time for a fresh start.

Have you ever hit that point where you're not 100% happy with yourself or your life but you're not miserable with it, either? Maybe you've felt stuck in that awkward in-between melancholy of "well I guess this is okay... it could be better but it could definitely be worse" and have found yourself to feel restless and jittery as a result?

That's more or less where I am right now. Overall my life as a life is in a pretty good place, but I'm unhappy with myself. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm in a good place life-plan-wise... Working at my dad's clinic, going back to school at the end of August... but I keep getting that nagging "I feel absolutely gross" feeling.

It happens early in the morning or late at night-- when I'm rushing around getting ready for work, or getting ready for bed.

When it comes right down to it, I am not happy with my body. Four years ago, I was in high school (just about to graduate) and while I wasn't in the greatest shape, I sure as heck was in far better condition than I am now. Time and time again, I've expressed my unhappiness with myself to people and have been told "you look way better than I do, it can't be that bad!"

... Well, it isn't "that bad", but I've also become really good at dressing myself to cover up as much of myself as I possibly can. And to be quite honest, it's gotten pretty old-- I'm fed up with my poor eating habits and that awful cycle of comfort/boredom eating, tired of wearing hoodies constantly so it looks like my clothing fits me better than it actually does... I feel dishonest about myself and it's bizarre and uncomfortable.

Which is what brings me here. I've re-shuffled things and moved an old blog that I hadn't written in for more than a year out of the way, and want to make a new start. Over the years I've discovered that I need to have accountability in some form in order to make that happen without constantly doing the old stop-start-delaydelaydelay cycle. (Yes, that was a weirdly-phrased way of me calling myself painfully lazy)

This isn't just about me getting my body into better shape, but really my entire life could use a bit of a refresher.